Inkpotamus

“There's no such thing as suction,”
The science teacher said,
Then she heard an interruption:
“You must be off your head!”

The animals went in one by one - hang on, hang on!
The animals went in two by two - halloo, halloo!
The animals went in three by three - the elephant and the bumble bee!
And they all went in to the Ark - all to get out of the rain.

I’m Nostradamus,
I’m the cat’s pyjamas,
At foretelling things I really am the best,
(I’m the tiger’s vest!)

The hamster screamed,
From its cage imprisoned,
"I'm not a hamster!"
But nobody listened.

Dave,
Freckle-spottily,
Dermatologically,
Less the manly brave,
Than clear skinned Clint,
Who's cleanly shaved.

Listening to music everyday,
Won’t it blow your mind away?
I was broke and I was poor,
What did I buy that iPod for?

A less screaming baby there’s never been,
Laughing and chortling like you’ve never seen,
Its smile got bigger and bigger and big,
Until it farted, and smelled like a pig.

And did those coals,
In olden time,
come down from,
Newcastle-upon-Tyne?

Let me live an old man’s youth,
Short of breath and long in tooth,
Not unruly nor uncouth,
A dressed in tweeds, hair recedes,
No misdeeds, time-honoured truth youth.

Father Bidmas and the order of operations in an equation.